Sober New Jersey

Prayer for me has always been a challenge. Growing up Catholic I felt that it was more of a duty or requirement than anything else. My mother would always claim to “pray” for people. I knew many of the prayers that were spoken during mass. The Act of Contrition after Penance always involved many prayers; 10 Our Fathers, 12 Hail Mary’s, not natural at all.

That all changed when I found myself in a Rehab in the spring of 1991, with not much hope. I recall my first real prayer was, “Help me GOD.” This prayer came out of me one night as I knelt next to my bed feeling awkward and not knowing where to turn. The prayer seemed to work, because shortly thereafter my recovery seemed to grab hold.

My journey has since lead me down a path to a wonderful sober life. I met my wife, Gwen, at a recovery dance and the growth we have experienced together is impossible to put into words. Gwen is an incredible woman and I believe GOD placed us together. With the birth of our son Reid, our life became even fuller. While all these wonderful life events unfolded the program was there guiding us.

At different points along the way I felt very close to my Higher Power. When Reid was christened, at our Wedding, I actually felt the presence of GOD, it was awesome! These incredible moments were fleeting and I wanted to feel them again. But how?

Prayer became more important. Reciting the Lord’s Prayer at the end of meetings has given me practice. The Serenity Prayer, the Third, Seventh, and Eleventh Step Prayers are all very important parts of my Spiritual maintenance.

How to pray, where and when? These are also always changing in my life. I have attended retreats, prayed in groups, out loud, in silence… in search of some sort of routine; or formula.

I often find answers come when I am not looking. Simple, easy solution right under my nose. A thought, a reading even a memory can trigger an urge to thank GOD or to try and share my gratitude with others in my life.

Gwen has created two sets of Prayer Beads for me; these I cherish very much. One is a simple wood set that are small and quite comfortable to hold; the other set is a heavier, ornate metal set that incorporate a crucifix that was as gift from my parents.

Their most common use I have is while driving, which I do a lot, where I’ll hold a set in my hand reminding me that I’m not alone and life is not all about me. Some of the other practices I have found are that during meetings I will wrap the wood set of beads around three of my fingers and gently roll one bead at a time in between my thumb and forefinger, praying for someone specific or asking for patience and tolerance. I also use them during formal prayers, where I am on my knees reciting a prayer, praying for specific people and asking GOD for the knowledge of HIS WILL for me for that day only and the POWER to carry it out.

Ultimately I have found the beads to be a focusing point for me during prayer. I can just feel them in my hand and it’s almost like an antenna to GOD. These feelings and moments are fleeting, but I have experienced them, and nine times out of ten it has been during a quiet moment of prayer or reflection. I would encourage you to try prayer it works!

Thousands of years, hundreds of religion, countless prayers have served many people well. Prayer for me is like spiritual food without it my spirit suffers. I need all the help I can get to maintain my contact, visual reminders such as beads, crosses, daily quotes, have all been a great help.

I wish you well in your life journey, GOD bless.